One week from today…

So here I sit at Panera a few minutes away from the hospital waiting for my pre-op in 30 minutes. I have finally really made it this far… I have so many emotions over this past year… 

I am angry that I ever got cancer… But thankful for all of the amazing people and experiences it has brought me. I am thankful for my newfound mindset. I am scared… Of the future… Of surgery… But I am also excited… Of the future… And surgery… See the irony there? During this surgery, they will hopefully remove most of the lumps in my new breasts… And hopefully they won’t be cancerous… I honestly don’t know if they plan on doing pathology on them… But I certainly intend to ask… I don’t want cancer again… I am finally not quite bald any more… And I finally feel good. I only have a few doctor appointments a month at this point… Previously I had a few a day often… 9 one week actually… I’m not ready to go back. As I write this, I am realizing just how scared I am… Of the unknown… 

And then there are the perks… My already amazing flat stomach will be even flatter…. My sides will be beautiful and even and I will have great new boobs… Every girl wants that right? I think looking back, I would never choose this for myself without cancer but even now, it still seems like the best option in my case… Just so scary…. 

Anyway…. It is time for me to head to the hospital for pre-op paperwork… One week from now, my whole life changes again. 

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